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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076082">Proclivitas- Dramione</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmytears/pseuds/allmytears'>allmytears</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Addiction, Addictionwithdrawl, Best Friends, Bisexual Male Character, Dom Draco Malfoy, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, Healer Hermione Granger, Light BDSM, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Hermione Granger, POV Theodore Nott, Post-Hogwarts, Potions, Recovery, St Mungo's Hospital, Sub Hermione Granger, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, Withdrawal, dracoisamess, dramione - Freeform, hermione granger - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:42:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmytears/pseuds/allmytears</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Draco Malfoy's world is closing in on him and the only escape he has is his potion addiction. Can Hermione Granger help him on his road to recovery before it's too late or will he continue on his path of self destruction?</p><p>TW: THEMES OF ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY THROUGHOUT</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott/Blaise Zabini</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: SEXUAL THEMES, ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Prologue</p>
<p>TW: THEMES OF ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No one can escape their past. The sins we have committed and the sadness we have caused. No matter how far we run, our past remains, as ever present as the moon in the sky."</p>
<p>This was something Draco Malfoy had come to know all too well. It was two years after the war had ended and his past still haunted his every thought as if it were yesterday. Back in 6th year, he had first used the potion Mortus Torpors to ensure he was successful in his missions from the Dark Lord. It was a way to feel nothing and also a way to avoid the death of his parents and himself should he fail. The feeling of euphoria that came from not being weighed down by all his negative feelings and like everything was okay in his dark, twisted world was an unexpected and truly welcomed side effect he was not previously aware of.</p>
<p>What had started as a way to ensure his survival, had quickly become his escape. Sure, he had wanted the life of a Death Eater when he was younger. He had wanted nothing more than to follow in his father's footsteps and join him in service to the Dark Lord. To put those filthy mudbloods in their place and help pave the way for the superior purebloods to rule the way he thought they rightfully should. He had been a foolish child, blinded by the prejudices that had been driven into him all his life, never stopping to think that people would have to die for the Dark Lord's vision for the world to become reality. He realized after the first death he witnessed at his father's hand, that killing was where he drew the line.</p>
<p>He would have been a fool to try and leave like he had wanted to at that point. It would have been an act that would have ended in his parent's deaths and led to himself being hunted down like a dog and killed horrifically for a point to be made to the other Death Eaters about what happened to traitors. So, he stayed. He stayed even though he wanted to run, to go somewhere far away from the war and forget about everything, to spend the rest of his life as Draco and not as a Malfoy.</p>
<p>The potion had given him the escape he so deeply craved and he found himself using it more and more. By the time the war had ended, he was well and truly in the full clutches of his addiction and he could not stop. The world seemed like such a dark and unforgiving place without it and facing the things he had been forced to do head on was a punishment he would imagine was reserved for those in the inner circles of Dante's inferno. </p>
<p>His father had known about his addiction during the war but was far too preoccupied licking the proverbial shit off of the Dark Lord's shoes like the coward he was. Draco supposed he was a coward too for not running when he wanted to. He even supposed joining the other side would have been preferable to the horrors he had endured as a Death Eater, but it wasn't like he had a choice.</p>
<p>He had often imagined how different his life could have been if he had gotten his head out of his ass long enough to branch out and make friends outside of his own house when he had attended Hogwarts. </p>
<p>Would he have taken a different route?</p>
<p>Would he have fought on the side of good?</p>
<p>Would he have stood beside Potter, knowing he fought for more than just his own stupid prejudices?</p>
<p>No, he supposed that would never have been an option. In fact, making friends outside the Slytherins would have just made things harder because when it came down to it, he never had that choice. He was always going to be forced to join the Death Eaters and stand at his father's side. Fighting against those he considered to be friends would have made the whole ordeal that much more horrible.</p>
<p>How his father had managed to convince the ministry, for a second time, that he had been under the Imperius curse was something Draco would never understand. Surely, they knew that he had been lying the first time, but to allow him to avoid Azkaban using this excuse a second time, was something that Draco couldn't comprehend. He supposed that was the power money bought. The chance to escape punishment for his crimes yet again.</p>
<p>The minute the war had ended his father had made his options clear, either stop using the potion or face disownment and lose his inheritance. He had tried time and time again to get clean, but every time he had, the nightmares returned and the guilt of what he had done had become overwhelming and he had relapsed. His father stuck to his word and Draco had been banished from the manor and was not given access to his inheritance when he came of age.</p>
<p>He had been forced to move in with Theo after this to avoid ending up on the streets. Blaise had moved in too because Theo had not wanted to live in this big house all alone after his father was killed during the war. Although they both tried to help Draco get clean. They knew better than to try and force him to do so. Blaise had even taken it with him on a few occasions, but he was stronger willed than Draco and never got addicted the way he had.</p>
<p>Although they had both been likely candidates for joining the ranks of the Death Eaters, neither Theo nor Blaise had taken the mark. Had the war gone on any longer, Theo's father and Blaise's mother would have offered up their children's services to the Dark Lord. They were lucky, he supposed, that Potter had ended it when he did. And although he was glad they never had to endure what he did, Draco could not help the feeling of jealousy that invaded his heart sometimes when he looked at his two best friends.</p>
<p>They both got to live somewhat normal lives now, not plagued by the memories of teachers being killed on their dining room table, of the countless tortures he witnessed, or the horrific tortures that he had endured due to the Cruciatus curse. They did not have to remember the smell of burning flesh or the overwhelming copper taste that would invade your mouth when surrounded by death. They could go on living and pretending that life was worth something, that it wasn't a pointless series of events unfolding until death takes hold. </p>
<p>For that was the only thing Draco knew for sure anymore. That death was inevitable. It didn't discriminate and it would come for them all in the end and sometimes Draco wanted nothing more than for it to finally take him, to finally allow him to leave this cruel world and be free of the pain that gripped his heart. If he was a brave man, maybe he would help it along. But he was a coward, so he just stayed, as he had done during the war, and used his addiction as a way to escape.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>TW: THEMES OF ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH</p><p> </p><p>"THUMP, THUMP, THUMP"</p><p>Draco's head was pounding, and his eyes stung at the burst of sunlight that had greeted him when he first opened his eyes. After a few seconds of adjusting, he was at least glad to see that he had made it back to his room in Nott Manor this time. There were too many times he had awoken to strange surroundings, in bed next to women he had never seen before or even on occasions a back ally to some dodgy looking club. He knew that it would probably take him hours to piece together some semblance of the previous night but at least he had made it home.</p><p>"THUMP, THUMP, THUMP"</p><p>"Draco, mate, are you in there?" Theo's voice grated his ears and made his already delicate state that little bit more unbearable.</p><p>"Fuck off Nott!" His voice had come out scratchy and he could tell by the sharp pain in his throat that he should probably avoid shouting for the rest of the day.</p><p>"Awww, I love you too Draco. Blaise and I are making breakfast if your highness would care to join us?" Draco rolled his eyes. He loved his best friends, but by Merlin, they could really push the boundaries of his patience. He rolled over intending to fall back into a deep slumber and hope he could sleep off most of his come down, but his growling stomach betrayed him and he realized he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten a decent meal. He rolled out of bed and quickly shed the clothes he was still wearing from the night before, opting for a comfortable pair of grey trackie bottoms and a black t-shirt.</p><p>When he entered the kitchen Blaise immediately floated a cup of coffee over to him and turned his wand back towards the stove to continue cooking the food. The smell of bacon invaded his senses, and he was suddenly grateful he had decided to join them this morning.</p><p>"You look like shit man," Blaise stated while levitating the now cooked food onto each of their plates.</p><p>"Well not all of us can be a tall, dark, and handsome half Veela like you Blaise," Theo added with a wink, which caused Blaise to send him a sly smirk in return. Draco had a suspicion that something was being implied that he wasn't privy to with this interaction and it gave him an uncomfortable ache in his chest when he realized how shit of a friend he had been. He knew both his friends were not concerned with gender when they sought out partners and he had often thought the two would make a good pair. Had he been so wrapped up in himself that he hadn't noticed that his two best friends were growing more intimate? Two best friends who gave him so much and yet he hadn't paid them enough attention to see something so monumental happening between them both.</p><p>Fucking great. Now he had another thing to add to the ever-growing list of failures that made up his life. The fact that he was on a come down was doing little to help his mood. While the potion took away all the negative feelings he had and left him with the pure euphoria of only experiencing the highs when it wore off it hit him like a train. The feelings of worthlessness were consuming him to the point he just wanted it all to be over. He was sick of feeling too much, like every emotion he had was experienced so much more intensely than everyone else around him, like the thick emotional skin he was supposed to have was non-existent.</p><p>When he felt sadness, it felt like despair.</p><p>Anger felt like pure uncontrollable fury.</p><p> The slightest inconvenience was enough to completely rip his whole world apart.</p><p>Sometimes it just got too much and all he wanted to do was switch it off completely but feeling nothing at all was almost as bad as feeling everything at once. So, he took the potion and it allowed for him to only experience positive emotions until it wore off and he was thrown right back into the black hole inside his soul.</p><p>He sat in silence and ate his food with his head down as the two men finished up their meals and got ready to head off to work in the apothecary they had opened after the war. They had invited Draco to join them in their business venture, but he had declined knowing full well that his potion problem would get in the way and cause him to let them down and he was sick of letting people down. He felt that he was just a burden to everyone</p><p>After they had left, he returned to his room to check his potion stash only to realize he had blown through it all already. It was taking more and more each time to get him to the high that he desired and he was going through a lot quicker than when he originally started to take it. He didn't have to worry about funding his habit back then either, due to having access to the family vault at Gringotts, but his father had cut him off and denied him his inheritance until he was clean. He hated his father for this and hadn't spoken to him in the 18 months that had passed since Lucius had banished him from the manor. If it hadn't been for his father, Draco might not have witnessed the horrors he did and maybe he wouldn't have needed to start taking the potion in the first place. Sometimes the hate he felt towards his father got so intense that it would blind him and he found that with being unable to take these emotions out on his father he would often start taking them out on those around him. Snapping at his friends for no reason. He knew they didn't deserve it and they had nothing but try to help him, but he just couldn't control it. It was like the anger filled him up from the tips of his toes right up to the top of his head and if he didn't take it out on somebody it would grow so intense that he would completely explode.</p><p>His mother had managed to sneak him some money which was almost completely depleted. He knew there was no way for his mother to get him anymore and what he had left wouldn't fund his potions for much longer.  He loved his mother but he couldn't help the feeling of betrayal that would come when he thought of her after she had allowed his father to disown him.</p><p>He had contemplated attempting to brew the potion himself. After all, he was top of his class in potions in Hogwarts, so he should be able to figure it out. Mortus Torpors wasn't exactly legal, so he had to procure it from backstreet dealers in Knockturn Alley which was costly, and dangerous. He could use the last of his Galleons buying a stash that would last him for only a few days, or he could use them to buy ingredients to try and brew it himself in the potion's lab on the first floor of Nott manor. He pulled on clean clothes and headed to the floo to take the trip to Diagon Alley. His emotions were already starting to overwhelm him and his mind was becoming cloudy and his headache worsening trying to push his thoughts and feelings down. He knew he could not last much longer without a dose so he needed to get the potion ingredients and get back quickly so he could start the brew.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>TW: THEMES OF ADDICTION, OVERDOSE AND MENTAL HEALTH</p><p> </p><p>Theo</p><p>Theo's mind had been elsewhere all morning. He couldn't stop worrying about Draco and what he was doing to himself. He was terrified that he was going to lose him to his addiction. He had heard rumors of witches and wizards driven insane from potion abuse, turning to crime to fund their addictions, wasting away to shadows of their former selves, and more than a few who had gotten in so deep that the only escape they could find was taking their own life.</p><p>Draco had been Theo's best friend his whole life on account of their fathers and he could not imagine living in a world without him. They had all lost people they knew during the war, but Theo didn't think he could ever move on with his life if he lost Draco. It would be like losing half of himself and he knew he would never recover from it. Sometimes he found himself resentful of the fact that Draco had let his addiction get so out of control. He knew he had been through so much. But Theo didn't understand why having Blaise and him by his side wasn't enough. Why his love for his best friends wasn't more powerful than the hold the potion had over him. He hated that he felt like this because he knew that Draco was sick.</p><p>He tried to remember he shouldn't resent the addict but despise the disease they suffered from, and that although it was hard for him to watch his friend fading into someone he didn't recognize, he knew that it would be so much harder for Draco.</p><p> He tried to push the thoughts from his mind but they always managed to creep back in, after all, addiction wasn't just a disease that affects the addict themselves, but it also causes everyone who loves them to suffer as well.</p><p>Draco had always suffered from a poor opinion of himself and had always been the more emotional of the two. His fathers' constant pressure to live up to his impossible expectations and constant beratement of him had only added fuel to the fire. At least when they were younger Draco would talk to Theo about what was going on inside his mind, but the older they got, the more closed off Draco had become. He had begun to present a face to the world of a narcissistic, cold, heartless monster when deep down he was the same scared, self-loathing boy needing the approval of others he had been.</p><p>The opinions of people after the war hadn't helped. He couldn't go anywhere without disapproving glares and whispers following him and Theo suspected that this had hurt Draco more than he would ever admit.</p><p>He had to find a way to help his friend, who no longer could help himself. The only problem was he knew forcing Draco Malfoy to get clean when he wasn't ready would only make him abuse potions more. He needed to find a way to get him to a place where he was ready to face his problems head on instead of running from them. Draco was stubborn and proud and would never admit he was in over his head, but Theo knew him well enough to know Draco was deep down and to know it was only a matter of time before he would be too far gone to reach or before he did something that he could never come back from.</p><p>He would find a way to help him even if it was the last thing he ever did, even if Draco hated him for it. He was his family, and besides Blaise, he was the only family he had left. And he couldn't stand by anymore and watch him destroy himself. He couldn't stand by and allow for half his heart to be destroyed any longer.</p><p>***</p><p>After a long conversation with Blaise, they had decided that they needed to intervene, so they left work that evening and headed to the floo to go back home, adamant that they would find some way to help Draco before the end of the night.</p><p>When the flames died down and they stepped out of the fireplace in the drawing room. Theo felt an uneasy lurch in his stomach. The manor was in complete darkness and there was an eerie silence over the place. He looked to Blaise and could tell by the look on his face that he was feeling the same way. Panic began rising in his chest and he felt like the air around him had grown too thick to inhale properly. Draco was always here when they returned from work. He would always be completely off his rocker; music blaring and the manor would be lit up like a Christmas tree. Draco had mumbled something about feeling less alone with all the lights on when Blaise had questioned him about it the first time, they had returned to every light on the ground floor switched on.</p><p>Something was wrong.</p><p>He could feel it in his very bones.</p><p>What if they were too late and the unthinkable had already happened?</p><p>Theo would never forgive himself for taking so long to intervene to save the fight that the conversation would entail.</p><p>They both began running around checking every room on the ground floor, only to find them empty and shrouded in darkness. The panic was becoming overwhelming now and if it wasn't for the desperation coursing through his body, Theo knew he would be having a panic attack by now.</p><p>When they got to the 1st floor, they noticed a faint light coming from the underside of the door to the potion's lab. They both raced forward throwing the door open in their hurry to find Draco.</p><p>He was there laying motionless on the floor; his porcelain skin had a soft blue hue to it, and he was surrounded by a pool of what looked like blood and this morning's breakfast that had spilled from his mouth. Theo froze.</p><p>NO, NO, NO, NO his head screamed, his mouth unable to form the words.</p><p>Blaise was at Draco's side in a second, using his wand to cast simple diagnostic charms. Theos eyes scanned the room to find the source of the foul chemical smell that was filling the room. That when he saw it. A cauldron knocked over and a thick looking silver substance spilling on the floor. </p><p>"He's alive, but barely. We need to get him to St. Mungos now! He must have tried to brew the potion himself and had a mishap. Grab a vial of whatever is left in the cauldron and bring it with us. The healers will want to know what they are treating... THEO DAMN IT IF WE DON'T ACT NOW, HE'S GOING TO DIE!"</p><p>Blaise's screams broke Theo from his trance and he quickly bottled some of the potion and ran over to where Blaise was lifting Draco into his arms. The moment Theo made contact with his arm he felt a pull behind his navel and they apparated to the front doors of St. Mungos.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>TW: THEMES OF ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES</p><p> </p><p>Hermione</p><p>Hermione had always known, even as a child that she wanted to make a difference in the world. As a young girl, before she had first found out she was a witch, her father used to tell her how she could achieve anything she set her mind to. He had told her that with her incredibly advanced intelligence, stubbornness, and drive to succeed that she could even become the Prime Minister if she wanted to. Once she had learned of her magic and began attending Hogwarts, she had often thought maybe she would go on to work her way up through the ministry and could one day become Minister for Magic. The constant bullying, particularly from Draco Malfoy and his band of merry Slytherins, had only served to push her drive to succeed even more. She felt an overwhelming desire to prove to them that she was much more than just her blood status and that she could do things with her life that they would never be able to achieve. It had always given her a sense of pride knowing that one day she could look them in the eye and they would finally see that she was enough and that she was worthy of the magic she possessed.</p><p>Then the war happened. </p><p>Hermione had witnessed more at such a young age than any person should have to see in their entire life. She had watched friends die, she had been tortured both physically and mentally and she had to act as the glue to hold Harry, Ron, and herself together during their many dangerous missions. After the war had ended, she was exhausted and no longer had the will to fight. While everyone had expected her to become an Auror with her two best friends, Hermione had changed her outlook on life and just wanted to help people, rather than continue the fight she had been a part of since she was 11.</p><p>She had seen the devastation the war had left in its wake. The damage that had embedded itself into the minds of witches and wizards from the trauma they had experienced and as someone who valued the strength of her mind, she wanted to find a way to help others put the pieces of theirs back together. </p><p>She had noticed after the war that the wizarding world was severely lacking in the mental health treatment department and she made it her mission to fix it. Her status as one third of the golden trio, her order of Merlin, and her personal relationships with high up ministry officials had given her the influence she needed to make her vision a reality. She had gone to Kingsley right after he had been appointed Minister of Magic and told him of her ideas. Given that he had come to be a friend and the fact that he agreed with her concerns regarding mental health in the wizarding world, he had granted her the permission and funding she needed.</p><p>That was almost a year and a half ago and, although Hermione was incredibly proud of everything she had achieved, she knew that there were still so many people out there who needed help. She had a full team of people working with her, treating everything from mental health issues to addictions. Potion addiction had become quite the epidemic after the war, with more and more people needing something to help take off the edge and had led them to extend their floor in St. Mungos just under a year ago to include the floor above it which was now used as an inpatient addiction rehab. </p><p>She had managed to complete both her healer training and her muggle psychiatric degree in just 6 months. They didn't call her the brightest witch of her age for nothing and she had been eager to get started as soon as she could. Parvati and Padma Patil had both joined her to work at the facility, as well as Luna Lovegood and Romilda Vane. Although she had not cared much for Romilda when they attended Hogwarts, she had become a good friend and Hermione had even set her up with Ron and they hit it off and had been dating for a few months now. Ron and Hermione had tried to peruse a relationship following the war but had soon realized that they were not a good match and decided to just remain friends. </p><p>Besides, Hermione was much too busy for a love life these days.</p><p>The day had started just like most days, she had done her rounds in the ward and then visited her inpatients in the rehab facility. She had attended her monthly lunch with Kingsley to update him of her ward and put forward any ideas she had for further resources that could be beneficial. He had once again tried to encourage her to take some much-deserved time off, which she yet again declined, and then she had returned to the ward to do evening rounds.</p><p>At around 6 pm she got a call from the emergency ward a few floors below requesting her to come see a patient who had come in with potion related injuries. This was not, by any means unusual. They got calls like this a few times a week and although Padma had volunteered to go down, Hermione had been filled with a strange predisposition that she should go herself on this occasion.</p><p>She took the chart off the nurse who met her at the elevator when she stepped off it and opened it without taking time to glance at the patient's name. Another case of someone trying to brew a potion themselves and it going wrong. From the chart, she could see that the patient had been minutes away from death and was lucky to have been found and brought here on time. A few minutes later and they would have been dead. </p><p>Hermione gathered all her determination and headed into the room. She knew that potion addicts were hard to convince that they needed to accept help if they were not ready, but this patient needed to take steps towards getting clean and be admitted to the rehab asap, or the next time they might not be so lucky to escape with their life.</p><p>Upon opening the door, she saw the last person she would have expected to be lying in this predicament in a hospital bed. His pale blonde hair looked almost white under the lights, his skin somehow even paler than it had been at school, and from what she could see he had grown quite a bit taller as well. She remembered how sick he had looked in their 6th year, but the kind of sick look he had about him now was startling. He had always been an attractive boy, but his face had lost that boyish look it once had and she couldn't help but think that although he was still handsome, he would look like an angel from above if he hadn't been destroying himself with potions. </p><p>Yes, Draco Malfoy was most definitely the last person she expected to find here.</p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat and when she looked to her side, she finally noticed that Theo Nott and Blaise Zabini were staring at her expectantly.</p><p>"Granger, long time, no see and might I say you have gotten even more beautiful since school." Blaise was holding out his hand to her and it took her a few seconds to place her own in his, which he raised to his mouth and placed a kiss upon. Had Blaise Zabini just called her beautiful? This evening just keeps getting weirder.</p><p>"Ummmm... thank you and umm you too." Did she really just say you too? Bloody hell Hermione, get a grip on yourself, she thought as she felt the blush rise in her cheeks. He threw her a flashing grin and dropped her hand again.</p><p>Theo took this opportunity to step forward and grip her hand, also raising it to his mouth for a kiss.</p><p>"I had heard you had started up a division for mental health and addiction and I really admire what you're doing. Although I'm not sure if you have had a patient quite as stubborn as this one." Theo let go of her hand as he spoke, and she could see the desperation and despair in his eyes as he returned them to look back at Malfoy.</p><p>"You would be surprised, although I don't think any of my other patients ever spent their school years hating me quite like Malfoy did." She noticed the glance and smirk Blaise and Theo shared at her words. </p><p>"I can imagine he's going to be very amused to see me when he wakes up. Most addicts are difficult to convince that they need help at first, but I haven't given up on a patient yet and I'm not about to start now. We will be moving him up to my ward a few floors up and you're both more than welcome to stay with him until he awakens. I find it helps if there are close family or friends present when we first bring up the treatment options." They both nodded at her in acceptance and she could see the sorrow in their eyes looking down at their friend and she found herself wondering how long this had been going on for and why Malfoy's parents weren't present.</p><p>She turned and left the room just as the orderlies came in to begin transferring him upstairs and made her way to her office.</p><p>She got another shock when she opened her door to find both Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy sitting in the chairs facing her desk. Narcissa's eyes were ringed red and she was dabbing them with a tissue, clearly beside herself, while Lucius held her hand tight. Although Lucius looked like the emotionless man he always was, she could see the worry in his eyes as he stood when they noticed her walk into the room.</p><p>"We believe our son has been admitted due to potion abuse and we would like to know how he is." Lucius reached his hand out to greet her, but she ignored him and went to take a seat behind her desk.</p><p>"Yes, it appears he has attempted to brew Mortus Torpors or MT as we refer to it, and he failed. Quite frankly, he is lucky to be alive." Narcissa began sobbing at Hermione's words and she couldn't help from feeling sorry for the woman. "You are welcome to visit with him. He is being transferred to my ward as we speak."</p><p>Lucius looked to the floor. "I don't think that is a good idea. We aren't exactly on good terms due to his addiction and I'm afraid our presence may make things worse at present. I know our family hasn't always been kind to you, but please Miss Granger, I'm begging you, help our son." She was surprised by the tears welling up in Lucius's eyes and she simply nodded her agreement. He nodded his thanks in return, and they stood up and exited the office.</p><p>This night had been full of surprises and she was certain that, although this would be difficult, Malfoy needed her help, and she wasn't going to let him down.</p><p>She had thought about the Battle of Hogwarts often over the past two years and there was always one moment that stuck in her mind. After Voldemort had come back with what he thought was Harry's dead body, he called for Draco to come join him. She remembered seeing him look around at his fellow students as if hoping for someone to ask him to stay and when nobody did, he re-joined the dark side. She had often wondered if maybe he hadn't wanted to return to stand with Voldemort and what would have happened if she had spoken up that day. It had hunted her nightmares more than she would ever admit and she couldn't help but feel like she had let him down that day. </p><p>This time she was going to do everything in her power to help him. She wouldn't let him down again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter $</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TW: ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH THEMES</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Draco</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The first thing that Draco noticed when he began to regain consciousness was the overwhelming smell of strong sanitizer and a hint of something familiar and floral that he couldn’t quite place. He squeezed his eyes tighter to try and block out the brightness that was escaping through his closed eyelids while he tried to piece together his memories from the night before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He remembered going to Diagon Alley for potion ingredients and coming back to Nott manor and starting to brew the MT.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Merlin why was it so bright? Between the light that was blinding him every time he tried to open his eyes and the loud ringing in his ears, he was struggling to concentrate enough to piece together any sequence of events. Draco squeezed his eyes tightly together, resigning himself to scour his memories before facing whatever he was about to open his eyes to this time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, he had begun brewing the potion… but it didn’t look right, and he knew he had made a mistake in his haste to get it ready quickly. He remembered the feeling of dread when he realized he would have to start over. That dread had begun to fill his entire being when he had concurred that it would take him another 3 hours to whip up another batch.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No, he couldn’t wait that long. His body was already shaking and overcome with cold sweats due to his body's defiance from already having to wait so long for another dose. His heart was racing, and the nausea was all consuming and he knew that it wouldn’t be long until he wouldn’t be able to lift his head from the toilet when the vomiting would begin.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It would be okay to just take a taste of this batch to tide him over while he prepared the next right?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The withdrawals were probably the cause of his failed attempt anyway.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No, he couldn’t. He didn’t know what effects this potion would have.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But if he only took a little then maybe it would ease the emotions than were slowly overtaking his every sense.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, just a little would be okay. It wouldn’t be like anybody would care if he did accidently off himself anyway. Sure, they would grieve for a little while, but they would quickly realise how glad they were to get rid of the burden that was Draco Malfoy from their lives. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He had lifted the ladle to his mouth. Salazar it had tasted awful, but he began to feel calm again and could feel the tension begin to leave his body.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, this would be fine. He could start brewing again now.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, why did the air suddenly feel like it was burning when it entered his body? He reached up and undid the top buttons to his shirt to try and ease the constricted feeling in his throat, but it did not help. He had begun to claw, trying to desperately find some way to loosen the hold as he dropped to the ground. He realized that his body was betraying him and that although he could feel the sensation of something travelling up his body and into his mouth, he did not have the ability to turn over, expel it and avoid choking. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>How fitting was it that Draco Malfoy was going to die alone on a cold dark floor? After all he had done, this was the death he deserved, he had thought to himself. Nobody was coming to save him; nobody would miss him after the initial shock past. Strangely, lying there knowing that he would be gone from this world in a few seconds, he had felt more content than he had in years. There would be no more suffering of others because of his actions, he would not have to deal with his own tidal wave of his memories, nightmares and emotional overloads anymore. Maybe he would find peace at last and maybe, just maybe it would be better.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who was he kidding? The choices he had made had guaranteed he would never find peace, in this life or the next. People like him probably died and simply faded away, too undeserving to even get to find out what came after this life and that is the justice of it all he had decided as the world had gone dark.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shit, maybe it had not been okay after all. No longer able to avoid his surroundings any longer, Draco slowly began to open his eyes and was meet by stark white surroundings. The hospital, fucking great start to the day, he could not even accidently kill himself right and he definitely wasn’t going to get a dose of the potion here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked to his right and was met by the sight of both Theo and Blaise asleep in chairs at the side of the room. They must have found him and brought him here. Given that he had been sure he was seconds away from death, he now had yet another thing that he could never repay his best friends for. They had saved his life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was also unsurprised to see the absence of his parents. They would have been informed of his presence the moment he was admitted and although they weren’t on speaking terms, he couldn’t deny that it hurt immensely that they couldn’t even take the time to come and see him when he had almost died. Then again, why would they? He was a failure of a man in every sense. The perfect version of a son they had wished for him to be could not have been more opposite to the person lying in this hospital bed and the realization that he would never be good enough was one he had come to quite a while ago. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Draco could feel the overwhelming tide of his emotions begin to creep back in. He didn’t deserve to live; he was a failure at everything he did, and he let everyone down. This world would be better off without the stain that was his life in it. He needed to get out of here, needed to get a dose of potion before he was completely consumed with the impending emotional breakdown that was taking hold.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He sat up and began sliding out of the bed when the door to his room swung open. He glanced up to see a female healer had entered and his legs almost gave away from under him when he did a double take to the woman standing cross armed looking at him</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Malfoy, what precisely do you think you are doing? Get back into that bed at once!” Hermione Granger stood before him, her arms crossed and a look of annoyance on her face. He hadn’t seen her since the final battle of the war and by Merlin had she grown into herself. The past two years had obviously been a lot kinder to her than they had been to Draco. Her olive skin had a glow about it and her bushy golden-brown hair was a lot longer than it had been at Hogwarts and now pulled back into a neat high ponytail. She had filled out and was curvier than she had been during the final year of the war and he couldn’t deny that she had become an incredibly attractive woman. Sure, she had been attractive when they had attended school, in a forbidden fruit sort of way and he would be lying if he said that fantasies of her hadn’t entered his mind sometimes when he had been tending to himself in his younger years (he was a hormonal teenage boy after all) but the woman standing in front of him now was more than just attractive, she looked like a goddess.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> She still had that aura about her that let everyone know that she was not a woman to be messed with and the look upon her face told him she would absolutely not hesitate to forcibly move him back into the bed should he not oblige.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well Granger, I’m a busy man and I don’t have time to waste sitting around here so I was simply going to leave and get out of that bushy hair of yours.” His words didn’t match his actions as he slowly sat upon the bed again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Draco mate, you awake. How do you feel?” Theo had obviously been awoken by the voices in the room and was elbowing a startled Blaise awake.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, just peachy. Awaking in this god-awful room and being verbally scolded by the bushy haired, self-righteous, intolerable, third member of the- boy- who- could fall into a pile of shite and come up smelling of rose’s trio is exactly what I wished to be doing today.” He didn’t miss the small laugh that escaped both Blaise and Theos lips before they covered their mouths.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Granger simply rolled her eyes. “Still as charming as ever Malfoy I see. Maybe I should call down to floor two and see if they can schedule you in to have that enormous stick up your arse removed while you here?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Draco scowled in return and lay back against the pillows. “Well as lovely as this little reunion has been, would it be possible for me to get the fuck out of here now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, now that you awake, I would like to discuss your reasons for being here to start with. If your friends hadn't gotten you here when they did you would have been dead in minutes.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pity they got me here then.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “and my department here specializes in rehabilitation from potion addictions and I would like to discuss your options for treatment. There are sever- “</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Potion addiction? Pleeaaseee, it’s not an addiction, I can stop whenever I want. I simply do not want to. If you would be so kind as to get me some discharge papers so I can be on my way that would be great” Draco stated while pretending to examine his fingernails in a manner that he hoped portrayed his boredom at this conversation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Draco, I think maybe you should listen to what Granger has to say.” Blaise said and it hurt to see the look of concern painted upon his friend’s face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He pushed his emotions down and pulled himself from the bed and began gathering his things to head towards the bathroom to get changed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I expect those discharge papers to be awaiting me when I return.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hermione</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Circe how could Draco Malfoy still manage to grind her down to her last shard of patience after all these years. He was still the same loathsome ferret he had been back in their school years, but there was something else she could see in his eyes that he was trying to keep buried under everything. The self-hatred and despair she had seen all too many times in her patients. He was struggling badly and however much he wanted to deny it, he needed her help. However, she was not going to be able to help him until he accepted himself that he needed it and that was going to take time, but she was not going to give up on him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Granger, I don’t presume to know anything about healing, but I don’t think your tactic at keeping him here to begin treatment is working.” Theo’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, Theo, until he is ready to accept my help, there is not much I can do. I have been in this position with quite a few of my patients before and have come to learn that sometimes pushing them when they aren't ready can make things much worse.” Her heart wrenched at the drop of his face. “However, I am not giving up. I’m just going to have to implore different tactics. there are things he needs to hear but saying them before he is ready to really listen would be playing our cards at the wrong moment.”  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She used her wand to summon the discharge papers and fill them out, handing them to Theo.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“His address is listed as Nott Manor, so I assume I can find him there? Normally I wouldn’t employ this tactic; but with Malfoy I think it may be necessary. Would you mind opening the floo to me so that I can unexpectedly drop in? I think that convincing him to accept help is going to come down first to making him believe he deserves help. In this case I think persistently trying to help him may just be the key.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Theo nodded, and with that she turned and left the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Malfoy was going to accept her help one way or another and if she had to annoy him with her presence until he agreed then that’s exactly what she was going to do. She knew too well from her experience over the years that addiction recovery was like broken fine china. It may be broken but it can be fixed, however, putting too much pressure on the pieces before they are ready can cause more cracks and breaks and make it harder to put back together again. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TW: ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH THEMES</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Theo</span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Theo’s anxiety had begun to get unmanageable. He had always suffered from it and he thought it was partially due to the environment he had grown up in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Nott SR. was an extremely abusive man who would take anything and everything out on his only son. He blamed Theo for his mother’s death during the birth and from that moment on he had treated his son like every wrong that happened was in some way down to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Theo has spent most of his childhood hiding from his father so as not to meet the end of his fists, or a hex from his wand. The house elves had raised him, and tried their best to keep him from his father’s rage, but they were magically forced to obey their master. There had only been so much that they could do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narcissa had her suspicions of Nott SR’s treatment of his son, but with pureblood etiquette, she was unable to speak up against it. Theo had suspected that this was the reason she had insisted that he spent so much time at Malfoy Manor while he was growing up. The Malfoys had been his family, and Draco had been his brother and the only person he could confide in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Malfoys had been his lifeline, and having Draco to listen to his problems had been the reason he had made it through his childhood mentally intact. Still, his anxiety had been a persistent voice at the back of his head, always telling him he was worthless and that it was his fault his mother was dead. Draco had been there countless times when it had overwhelmed him, talking him through his anxiety attacks, ensuring he knew that he was important to him and that his life was worthwhile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After Nott SR. had died during the war, Theo had felt lighter than he had done his entire life and the voice in the back of his head had become a slight whisper rather than the overwhelming screaming he had become accustomed to. He had thankfully been able to keep it that way since the end of the war.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was, until the events three weeks ago when he had found Draco close to death on the floor of the potion’s lab. Ever since that night, he had awoken every night drenched in sweat, tangled in his sheets with visions of what could have been if they had arrived a few minutes later.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t just his nightmares that hunted him. He would find that when Draco had been out of his line of sight for more than an hour at a time, he would feel his throat constricting, his body trembling and glassed with his own cold perspiration as the panic started to overcome him. He could still feel the coldness of Draco’s skin under his fingers and smell the overwhelming stench that had been invading the room that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blaise had offered to take control of the apothecary until Theo was feeling up to it and he was incredibly grateful that this meant that he could be home and near Draco more. Draco, on the other hand, had been less than enthused about the situation. He practically caught fire with fury when he realized that Theo and opened the floo to allow Granger to pop by whenever she felt appropriate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was still refusing her help, but Theo knew Draco better than anybody else in the word, perhaps even better than he knew himself, and he could see that Hermione’s approach was beginning to wear him down. Something had to give and soon before his nightmares of losing his best friend became a reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Theo had been awoken by his nightmares tonight yet again and had wrapped his duvet around him and made the trip down the hall to Draco’s bedroom door. He knew it was stupid, this new routine he had adapted, but it was the only thing he could do to chase away the nightmares and get any amount of restful sleep. He lay down on the floor beside Draco’s bedroom door and prayed to Salazar that he would break soon and accept the help he needed. He repeated his begging until his eyes finally felt heavy and sleep took him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was how Blaise found him the next morning, curled up sleeping outside Draco’s bedroom door. He awoke to the look of concern on his lover’s face and didn’t even try to make excuses the way he had the first few times Blaise had found him like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Theo, please, you can’t keep this up. I’m getting really worried about you and I don’t think I have the capacity to be the strong one for much longer. Please just agree to get out of the house for a while today. We can do anything you want but you need to get out of this house for a few hours to allow yourself to breathe.” Blaise had always been the one that held them together, the one who remained strong when everybody faltered, and to see the pleading look of his face finally convinced Theo he was right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you're right, I just… I can’t… what if we go out and come back and something has happened, and we don’t get here on time? I can go through that again, Blaise. I’m barely hanging on here as it is.” Theo replied solemnly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I spoke with Granger and she agreed that you need to do this for your own sake. She said she will stop by after her shift ends this tonight to check on him.” Blaise’s hopeful eyes wore him down and Theo nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was right after all, the more time he spent within the confines of the manor, the stronger the hold of his anxiety was claiming. Between the memories this place held of his tortuous childhood at the hands of his father and the helplessness he felt when it came to saving his best friend from himself; it was only a matter of time before he would suffocate under the grip that was coiling itself around his throat. He needed time to just breathe and feel the peace that came with finally being able to take a deep breath of oxygen after struggling to gasp for air for so long. He would take this time tonight to get his head back in the game and finally put all the broken pieces of his friend back together.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TW: ADDICTION, MENTAL HEALTH THEMES</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Draco</span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The one thing Draco loved about Nott Manor was the astronomy lookout that sat at the very top of the west wing of the house. It was the highest point of the whole manor and the open top with metal railing surrounding it allowed for the perfect view of the night sky. This is where he would come when he was at his lowest; and tonight, he was at one of the lowest points he had ever been. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The fact that the last time he had felt as hopeless as he did tonight, was when he was standing in the astronomy tower with his wand pointed at Dumbledore in view of the stars was not lost on him. The astronomy tower at Hogwarts had always been a sanctuary to him, a place where he could go when he began to feel overwhelmed; where he could just gaze up into the night sky and think about how small everything was in light of the universe. It had served as a reminder to him that no matter how big or impossible things had felt, under the vastness of the entirety of the world above it paled in comparison. It always reminded him of a quote he had read somewhere.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How fragile we are under the sheltering sky. Behind the sheltering sky is a vast dark universe, and we are just so small.” He repeated to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could he believe that after everything that he had done? After all, it had been his actions that had allowed the death eaters to enter Hogwarts that night, it had been his failing that had forced Snape to have to take the life of his closest friend to save Draco. It had been cowardness that had stopped him from running away and leaving before he had been forced to take the Dark Mark. He was responsible for Dumbledore’s death and therefore, he was entirely to blame for the events that had led up to the war that had taken hold after it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While before, looking up into the stars had brought him comfort at the thought of how small he was in the universe, now when he looked up it terrified him. The realization that the actions of one could lead to the pain and suffering of so many ground down every piece of hope he had left that things would get better, that he would get better and wouldn’t cause the pain and suffering of everyone around him. And so, as he made his way towards the railing and stepped over to the other side, he thought that maybe if he just jumped, he could save everyone the heartache that came with caring about Draco Malfoy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Hermione</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Progress with Draco had been slow, and she was starting to feel like he was never going to give in and accept her help. Appearing at the manor at random times had done little more than allow for her to see firsthand just how much of a downward spiral he was on. Theo and Blaise had been procuring the potion for him out of fear that he would try to brew it himself again, and while she could see the logic behind it, she was also aware that they were just fueling his addiction further. Most of the times she had seen him, he had either been too out of it to pay any heed to her presence or he was too furious at the fact that she had the “audacity to stalk him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she was determined to help him, not just for her own self-inflicted mission to make up for not saying something to make him stay on their side in the final battle, but also because she could see that he was broken and hurting, and her Gryffindor need to save everyone did not allow her to give up on him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was also aware of the effect that his addiction was having on his friends, particularly Theo. Addiction, she knew, can take the person in your life who has always been your closest confidante; your best friend, your mother, your father, your siblings, the person who you love most in the world and turn them into a complete stranger. It can bring the most confident, fulfilled person to their knees and take the most selfless person into someone so selfish you don’t recognize them. As much as you may try to stop loving them to save yourself, there’s always that belief that love alone can bring them home again. Loving an addict is like trying to convince someone who is drowning that they can save themselves if they simply stand up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is why she had been glad when Blaise had contacted her to ask if she would check in on Draco tonight if he and Theo were to take some much-needed time to themselves. She could see that they were beginning to drown with him and taking time to step away from the intensity of the situation, although it wouldn’t fix it, may just give them a chance to gain some perspective.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hermione flooed into Nott manor and was greeted by the low light of the candles reflecting and casting shadows off the high ceilings. There was an eerie sort of beauty to the manor, the house itself was beautiful with a gothic aesthetic but the dark magic the house had been witness to over the course of the war still lingered giving her a chill in her bones.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She began moving through the manor looking for Draco, but he didn’t appear to be in any of the rooms he was normally in. She cast </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Appare Vestigium”</span>
  </em>
  <span> and followed the footprints to the top floor of the west wing where there was a door she assumed led out onto the roof. Pushing through the door she was met by the sharp cold air nipping at her checks and immediately saw Draco standing on the outside of the railing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Draco, what in Merlin’s name are you doing! Come back over to this side and we can talk.” She hoped the desperation in her voice was enough to appeal to Draco and stop him from doing what he was obviously thinking about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned around to give her a quick glance and drew his eyes back up towards the stars again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever think about what happens after we die? I often wonder if, when we die our souls leave our bodies and we join the stars, moving through the universe forever more, feeling no pain, having no worries and just being, rather than feeling all the time.” Draco’s voice was calm, considering the position she had discovered him in and that terrified Hermione more.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I suppose I’ve never really thought about it that way. I do believe there is something more after we die, but I also believe that we shouldn’t get lost to thoughts of what comes after, and instead concentrate on the here and now.” She inched closer slowly, hoping he didn’t notice to avoid any reactions from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m either so consumed by the thoughts and feelings inside myself, or I’m using potions to numb them out and I can’t decide if it’s worse feeling everything or feeling nothing at all. I can see the continuous hurt I’m causing all around me, but I just can’t seem to stop. It’s like I’m in the passenger seat of my own body and the potion in the driver seat. I’m begging to pull over and let me control the road we take but my addiction won’t allow it and we keep heading down the road towards the edge of a cliff, running over everyone I care about. Did you notice how my own parents couldn’t even care enough to come see me in the hospital? I mean I’m their only son and they have given up on me to the point where they do even care if I live or die.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look Draco, I know the road to recovery isn’t an easy one to take. Addiction comes from trying to escape from something by going in the direction of a need that is not being met. In your case the thing you need is to deal with your past. Stopping using the potion is only the first step in recovery, you need to face your past and deal with it, creating a new road where you can move forward, embracing your past instead or trying to escape it. Making this new road will mean you can take your journey through life where it is easier not to use. Think of it like having a wound. If you simply bandage up that wound without healing it, then it will just continue to bleed until there’s nothing left. Instead, you need to find the strength to face the world and close it up. You have so many people who love and care about you and just want to help you get you better, your parents included. They came to see me you know.” Draco had turned to regard her when she mentioned his parents.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re just saying that to try to stop me from jumping.” He replied with a cold clip to his voice, but she could see that she was beginning to get through to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not. If there’s one thing you can count on from me its honesty. I’m not in the habit of telling lies just because I think it’s what someone wants to hear. Your parents came to see me when you were on my ward. They begged me to help you. They really do love you Draco and they just want their son to get better.” She could see the softening of his features and decided to move to the railing and reach out her hand. “Please come back over to this side of the railing and I promise you I will help you. I will do everything in my power to help you overcome this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached out and took the hand she was offering him, and relief flooded her body. But as he tried to turn his body to climb back over, he lost his footing and the only thing stopping from barreling towards the ground was her grip on his hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Draco you need to pull yourself up, I don’t have the strength to pull you up if you don’t help me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay Granger, just let go, don’t let me pull you down with me like I pull everyone else. I promise you it’s okay.” His voice was calm like he had accepted his fate and was happy with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No Draco please! Too many people have let you down throughout your life and you have just gotten used to expecting nobody to stand up for you when you need it the most. you think that nobody cares but that's simply not true. your parents care, Theo cares, Blaise cares and I care. we all care much more than you know and we are not going to sit back and watch you destroy yourself. we are all here finally standing up. You're not on your own anymore and I won’t let go,  you hear me. If you fall, I fall because I won’t let you down this time. Not again”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Draco looked up at her confused, but he grabbed the railing with his other hand and helped pull himself up and over the railing. The both of them collapsing on the side of safety as she cradled Draco in her arms while he began to sob. The relief that he was safe, and the sounds of his breakdown tore her own tears from her eyes, and she sat there with his head in her lap, stroking his hair and allowing for him to let it out. He has reached rock bottom and she was glad in that moment she had been there to soften the ground. She would take his hand and find a way to guide him back up again, back into some semblance of the person he had forgotten. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: MENATL HEALTH, SUICIDE AND ADDICTION THEMES</p><p>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</p><p>Sorry for the late update! The Christmas holidays threw a spanner in the works and I had to take some time out as my Dads birthday was Christmas eve and given that he died from a drug overdose a couple of years ago I struggled to sit down and write about addiction over the holidays.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Hermione</span>
</p><p>After the last of the tears had left Draco’s body and his sobbing form had begun to still, Hermione managed to softly convince him to move back into Nott manor and back to his room. She could tell he was exhausted, and while under normal circumstance she would not encourage the use of potions to an addict of MT without first having a treatment plan; she knew that he desperately needed a night of peaceful sleep without having to worry about his nightmares. She reached into her bag, and after poking around the vast number of contents it contained thanks to an extension charm that may, or may not have been slightly illegal, she finally found a dose of dreamless sleep and encouraged him to retreat to his bed and take it. She was just leaving his room to go and wait for the return of Theo and Blaise to discuss the best plan for Draco’s recovery when she was startled from her thoughts by his low and quiet voice that was almost childlike in his desperation.</p><p> </p><p>“Could you possibly stay for a little while… just until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone.”</p><p> </p><p>His voice was somewhat scratchy from his earlier breakdown, more than likely from a sore throat and she couldn’t help but be surprised, even after the events of the evening, at his open vulnerability. She simply nodded an affirmative agreement and took the seat beside his bed and was surprised when he reached over and gripped her hand before relaxing back into his pillow.</p><p> </p><p>The dreamless sleep sent him into a deep slumber moments later, and she began taking in her surroundings. The room was almost as large as her entire apartment with pale white walls and a ridiculously high ceiling. Three large windows looking out towards a lake with a forest in the background took up most of the wall behind the chair she was sat upon, which was facing the door they had entered through. There was a fireplace that had roared to life when they had entered the room to her far right, with a door further down the wall that she imagined led into a bathroom. The bed was a large, dark wooden four poster adorned with deep grey velvet curtains that were attached to the posters with matching grey ties. Not all like the dark green room she would have expected from the Slytherin Prince, but then she supposed his childhood bedroom at Malfoy Manor would likely be very different from this one.</p><p> </p><p>She glanced down at a now sleeping Draco and for the first time since they had become reacquainted, she had a moment to properly take him in. He really had become a very beautiful man, even with the obvious tarnish the potion addiction had given to his features. The pointy look he had during their school years had changed into a harder one that gave him a more chiseled, manly look. He had stubble that she suspected was from a few days of not shaving, and his pale skin had a grey tinge to it which she knew was a common side effect from abusing potions and not taking adequate nutrition. His shoulders had broadened out also, and he had grown at least another foot since she had seen him during the war which should have given him an intimidating look; but his addiction had resulted in him being very underweight and sickly looking which made him look as broken on the outside as he was on the inside. Even so, he was still very handsome, and she was positive that recovery, beginning to care for himself properly, and regaining his health would result in him being one of the most attractive men she had ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>His pale blonde hair had fallen into his eyes, and before she realized what she was doing she was reaching forward with her free hand and tucking it out of his face. It was as soft as she had always imagined it would be and the thought startled her back to reality. She would need to be very careful and not allow her old school crush to creep back up on her or she would be in big trouble.</p><p> </p><p>After all, he had bullied her perversely in school and had been a massive egotistical prat. Her Gryffindor heart had always willed her to look for the good in people, and this had led to her wondering if deep down there was something better than the version of himself that he presented to the world. Given how much of an intolerable asshole he had been, she had found herself watching him in an almost unhealthy manner, trying to figure out who he was underneath all the hate and prejudice he had been raised by. He had been like a puzzle that her irrevocable curiosity wished to figure out, and she had noticed that when he thought nobody was watching that he had let his guard down and she had been sure that underneath the loathsome, foul version that he presented to the world was a scared boy who just wanted to be accepted by his peers. That had led to her wondering who he could be with the right influence and her mild obsession with solving the puzzle had led to a ridiculously stupid crush.</p><p> </p><p>It was this crush that she could not allow to take hold again. Although the broken man in front of her was a far cry from the bully who had taunted her in school, she was to be his doctor and allowing her mind to wander and reacquaint itself with her illogical school day crush would be completely unprofessional. With this thought she slipped her hand from his and moved to leave the room and return to the parlor where she would await Theo and Blaise. With one last look at him she let out a sigh and closed the door behind her and told herself that she would also close the door once and for all on her absurd curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Theo</span>
</p><p>Theo had managed to hold himself together after hearing the events of the evening from Hermione. He had painted on his mask and listened to everything she told him without breaking down. She had insisted that she believed Draco was finally ready to begin his recovery and as much as he trusted what she was saying his mind had begun to conjure up images of what would have happened if she hadn't agreed to come to the manor that evening while he and Blaise were out. But still, he would not allow for his emotions to show in front of her. His father had beat into him, quite literally, the fact that Notts did not show emotions and it was something he had been unable to shake even after his father had died after the war.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, with the exceptions of Draco and Blaise, nobody had seen the inner turmoil he suffered from in quite some time. Pansy had also been privy to the real Theo, but he hadn’t seen her since she had left to go to France a year ago to study witch fashion. He hadn’t wanted to burden her with just how bad things had gotten with Draco while she was off chasing her dreams of starting a fashion line, but recent events had him thinking maybe it was time. After all, she was one of their best friends and she deserved to be kept in the loop. It wasn’t exactly something he had wanted to tell her about over floo call or via owl, so he had just avoided it and hoped that it would get better before she returned to England. She would probably murder him for not telling her sooner, though. She was due back in another 6 weeks, and he prayed that Draco was on his way to recovery by then so it might lesson the wrath that she was sure to bring down on both Blaise and him for not informing her to return home to help.</p><p> </p><p>Although he was completely heartbroken at what Hermione had told them, he successfully kept his mask in place until she stepped through the floo and left. The second she was gone he collapsed onto the parlor floor clutching his shirt collar trying to loosen it in an attempt to get oxygen into his lungs. The room was spinning out of focus and the act of breathing seemed impossible. For what felt like the hundredth time in the past few weeks he was tortured by thoughts of how he would go on if he lost his best friend. He had known that Draco was struggling, but to be so far gone he had been contemplating suicide? That was something Theo couldn’t help but feel was a failing on his part.</p><p> </p><p>How could he not see just how much Draco was struggling?</p><p> </p><p>What if Hermione hadn’t talked him off the ledge?</p><p> </p><p>What if he had returned home to find Draco’s mangled body on the grounds of the manor?</p><p> </p><p>The image of his best friend’s lifeless body polluted his mind to the point his lungs were burning from the breath of life that was evading him with his panic attack.</p><p> </p><p>“Theo, you need to breathe, please breathe baby. Just look at me. He’s okay and he’s going to get the help he needs…. breathe please”</p><p> </p><p>The desperation in Blaise’s voice was the thing that broke through to him and finally allowed for him to greedily inhale air into his burning lungs.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s it... in and out... just breathe in and then out again.”</p><p> </p><p>The soothing sound of his wizard’s voice allowed him to regain control of his breathing and when he finally looked into Blaise’s tear-stained eyes, the dams broke on his own. The two wizards sobbed at the thought that they could have lost Draco while holding each other for what seemed like hours before they moved. Although Blaise was normally good at being the strong supportive parent of their group, Theo had been suspecting it was only a matter of time before he broke eventually and after what could have been the end results tonight if not for Hermione, he needed to let it out as much as Theo did.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t been paying attention to where Blaise had been leading him until they came to a stop and he realized they were outside Draco’s bedroom door. Theo looked into his wizard’s eyes in confusion and Blaise gave him a sad smile before speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t mind, I think I need this as much as you do tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Understanding what he meant, Theo nodded, and Blaise instantly summoned them some pillows and a quilt. This time instead of laying down outside the door like Theo normally did, Blaise pushed the door open and led him into the room to a space beside the bed. Carefully making sure not to wake Draco they lay down on the floor and curled up into each other’s arms as they settled down into what was probably going to be a night of chasing sleep that would evade them both.</p><p> </p><p>At that moment Theo realized just how in love with Blaise he was, and he swore to himself that he would hold onto the wizard for as long as he would have him and really hoped that it was forever.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TW: MENATL HEALTH, SUICIDE AND ADDICTION THEMES</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Draco</span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fathers hand gripping his shoulder.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mother clutching his hand.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! CRUCIO!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A blood curdling scream.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bile rising in his throat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His whole body was shaking.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thinking of anything he can do to help without getting them all killed but coming up empty.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Another never ending scream even louder than the other.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reaching for his wand only to have it snatched by his father.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His mother’s pleading gaze.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Build your walls my dragon. Use your occlumency. Any reaction from you will spur Bella on more.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Another scream. But this time he feels nothing, his walls slammed in place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco woke with a jump, looking around him and realizing that he was safe in Nott manor and not back stuck in his horrible nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except this wasn’t just a nightmare. No, it was one of the memories he had been trying to avoid by using the MT. He was suddenly overcome with his shame. He had been such a coward that night, using his Occlumency to tune out from what was happening, all the while Granger had been getting tortured by his aunt, on his drawing room floor, in his house. How could she not despise him as much as he despised himself? How could she bring herself to even share the same air as him, never mind the fact that she was so adamant to help him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The memory of last night hit him with the same force he would imagine the Hogwarts express would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you fall, I fall because I won’t let you down this time. Not again”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What did she mean by that? When had she ever let anybody down, least of all him? She was a war hero, she helped save the entire wizarding world from a maniac, for Salazar’s sake. She did not owe him a damn thing, yet there she had stood last night begging him not to jump. He was just so sick of suffering. So sick of being a failure and constant disappointment and jumping had been the only was he could see out of his pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, the thing that he would be killing would not actually be himself. No, his pain had taken over so much of who he was, that he was sure that there was nothing left of him but the pain. Her words had made him realize that deep down somewhere, there was still a piece of him inside, buried under all the trauma and he wanted to regain control and bring that piece of him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As much as he wanted nothing more than to turn to the potions to avoid the feelings overwhelming him, he knew he could not keep living this way. It was time to face his problems head on and get himself sober.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A new determination set into his bones and he decided that it was time to stop lying in bed feeling sorry for himself, and contact Granger to tell her that he was ready to begin the long journey of ridding himself of his addiction once and for all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His sheets stuck to him as he tried to move, and he decided that a shower that he needed to start by ridding himself of the sweat that had poured from his body from his early morning nightmare was probably the best place to start.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He peeled the sheets off, stepped out of the bed and began to move towards the bathroom attached to his room when he tripped over something large in the middle of the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuc-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked to see what he had fallen over and that’s when he noticed Theo and Blaise fast asleep wrapped in each other’s arms on his bedroom floor. Thankfully his perfectly graceful (thank you very much) fall had only stirred them slightly and they remained asleep. He got back to his feet and stood looking at them. He had put them through so much, and yet here they were, lying on his floor just to be close to him. He did not deserve them. He had been pushing them away for years and even so, they never faltered, and they never left him. Tears began to sting his eyes and he quickly moved to the bathroom and turned on the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would only be a matter of time before the MT was completely out of his system and he would start to experience the full force of the withdrawals and he needed to see Granger before that happened as he knew that once they started, he would need the potion. He just hoped that she had some way to help him through it.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Hermione</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The previous night had been the breakthrough Hermione had been waiting on. She knew that it was only a matter of time before Draco finally hit rock bottom and she was beyond grateful that she had been there to get him through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn’t make the heartbreak of seeing him so low and vulnerable any easier. While she had been expecting him to have a breakdown, she did not expect to find him on the ledge of the roof ready to jump. He was more broken inside, more lost than she had originally thought, and it had made her more adamant to help him find his way back again. It would not be easy, and she was fully expecting him to fight her at every turn along the way. Accepting that one has a problem is the first hurdle and, in some cases, it can be the easiest to overcome. What comes after that realization, the withdrawals, the facing of one’s demons and finding a way to accept them and move forward can be the hardest thing to face. They had all faced horrors during the war, but looking inside yourself and dealing with your own faults and the hurt you have caused others made anything the war had thrown at them pale in comparison. It is so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hermione grabbed her beaded bag that she had filled with some potions to help curb the withdrawals that Draco would be starting to experience, and all the relevant documentation on treatment plans offered by her departments and headed to the fireplace to floo to Nott manor. She wanted to be there when Draco woke so they could start treatment immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>11. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>TW: MENATL HEALTH, SUICIDE AND ADDICTION THEMES</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>AN: Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993 for helping me put my ideas into reality.</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Theo</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Theo startled awake from another restless night of sleep, plagued by nightmares of the different ways in which he happened upon his best friend’s lifeless body. His imagination was running rampant in his sleep, always coming up with new scenarios and new horrors. He was starting to think maybe he should take up writing fiction based on the trauma his mind was cultivating every night. He wasn’t aware he could be so inventive, and his imagination could come up with such things.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He stretched and was immediately met by the stiff protests of his body after spending yet another night sleeping on a floor. While the carpet in Draco’s bedroom was a step up from the hard wooden floors in the hallway outside his door, it still wasn’t doing his body any favors to choose to sleep on a floor rather than his ridiculously luxurious bed with his 23 different pillows. He sighed, he missed his bed and at this point. He had all but forgotten how good it felt to be snuggled up under the duvets and not waking up feeling like he had spent the night trying to fend off a Manticore.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He faintly heard the spray of the shower from Draco’s bathroom, and sat up to peer up on the bed to confirm his friend was indeed awake and getting ready for the day. It was going to be a difficult day all round, and Theo suspected that things were going to get a lot worse before they got better. He had witnessed the beginnings of withdrawals in Draco on a few occasions when he had gone too long between doses and it hadn’t been pretty. It was the reason both Blaise and he had given in on so many occasions and gotten the potion for Draco. They were both aware they were feeding his addiction, but seeing him in that state had been shocking and they did the only thing they had known would take away his suffering. They weren’t proud of it, but they had both felt too hopeless to do anything but give in.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Theo reached over and affectionately stroked Blaise’s face to wake his still sleeping wizard up. While he could spend all day watching the man he loved sleep, they needed to start what would surely be a difficult day for everyone. Hermione had promised to be back in the morning so they could discuss the next steps in Draco’s treatment now that he was ready, and Theo wished to sit down and talk with Draco about what had happened last night. If they were going to all support him through this it was time for them to sit down and start opening up to each other. They had all spent too long avoiding the difficult conversations and if this was going to work things needed to change.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He called for an elf to prepare tea and coffee in the dining room, and advised that they would be taking breakfast when Granger arrived. He knew enough about her by now that she would probably forget to eat in her haste to get here this morning. He followed Blaise from the room after leaving a note on Draco’s bed asking him to meet them in the dining room when he was ready.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Draco</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The atmosphere coupled with the thick silence when Draco entered the dining room made it obvious that Theo and Blaise had been discussing him before he walked through the door. He knew it was highly likely that Hermione had informed them of the events of the previous night and the looks of devastation mixed with pity confirmed his suspicions that they knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made his way to one of the empty seats at the smaller table that had been placed closer to the window and sat down, being careful not to accidentally make eye contact with one of his best friends. He couldn’t bear to see the shame in their eyes he was certain would be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He prepared his tea with sugar and milk, keeping his eyes fixed on his cup while waiting for one of them to speak. It was Blaise who finally broke the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hermione told us that you tried to... umm… she told us what happened last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and nodded his head to let him know it was okay to continue with whatever he wanted to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We knew things were bad, but we didn’t realize they were that bad, and I know that we aren’t a bunch of Hufflepuffs that sit around in a circle holding hands and sharing our feelings, but you know that you could have came to us and we could have done whatever we could to help right? We shouldn’t have gone out last night and left you, and we should have better noticed the signs and we are so sorry we have failed you, but we promise that fro- “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco jumped from his seat and faced his two best friends with a look of horror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you dare finish that sentence and never, and I mean never, apologize to me about this again!  It’s not your bloody job to babysit me! It's not your fault I’m too weak and cowardly to deal with my own shit, and it’s not your job to try and put me back together. That’s on me to do, it's on me to find a way through this and I will not sit here and listen to you blame yourself or apologize for things that aren’t your responsibility in the first place! You would be better off without me. All I do is bring you misery!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco’s breathing was coming out heavy as he finished shouting, and he could feel the tears streaming down his face. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Theo was next to him with tears staining his own cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Draco, I know you want to push us away. Every time things get hard or something goes wrong you do everything you can to isolate yourself. Look at 6</span>
  <span>th</span>
  <span> year and the way you cut yourself off from everyone. But we aren’t kids anymore Draco, and you don’t need to face your demons alone anymore. You’re our best friend, our brother, and we would rather stand with you and face your demons in misery, than face a single day in a world that you’re not in. We love you unconditionally and that means that we don’t want to just be there for the good parts of you, but also for the darkest parts. It's time to get clean, time to stop using the potions as a band aid to cover up the deeper roots of your internal pain and if you’re ready, I can promise you that we will love you through it all and do whatever it takes to help you to the other side of your darkness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco felt his knees give out, and Theo caught him sliding with him to the floor as he wrapped his arms around him. He felt another set of arms tangle around him and he let them. Hearing that his best friends weren’t going to abandon him and that they loved him was more than Draco could handle right now and words failed where tears prevailed, so he let them fall. </span>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>12. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Casually drops update and backs away slowly*</p><p>Sorry about the late update guys. This story takes a lot from my real life past experiences and I got a little overwhelmed and needed to take a break. I'm finally in the right headspace again and updates will be back to weekly.</p><p>Special thanks to my alpha Phoenixofslytherin and my beta 08adrelai1993</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <span>Chapter 10</span>
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  <span class="u">
    <span>Hermione</span>
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  <span>When Hermione arrived into the floo in the drawing room of Nott manor, she was immediately greeted by the pop of a house elf arriving to greet her.</span>
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  <span>“Master Nott tells Dipsy to bring Misses Granger to the dining room for breakfasts. Dipsy takes Misses coat.”</span>
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  <span>Hermione looked down at the waiting hand of the elf. “umm… no that’s quite alright Dipsy, I can take my coat myself. I wouldn’t want to bother you.”</span>
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</p><p><span>Dipsy rolled her eyes</span> <span>before reaching up and grabbing the coat in a way which Hermione could only describe as a snatch before strolling off in the direction of the dining room. She quickly followed, not wanting to annoy the elf anymore than she obviously already had, because, of course, any house elf belonging to Theodore Nott would be nothing if not sassy. She took the walk to the dining room to survey the house elf’s clothing. Where normally she would have expected a tattered old pillowcase, she was surprised to see the elf was impeccably dressed in a fancy pencil skirt and blouse, set off with a particularly expensive pair of tiny black heels.</span></p><p>
  
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  <span>When she reached the dining room, Draco, Blaise and Theo were gathered around a small table, each nursing a cup of tea. She noticed they all looked completely drained, and were sporting swollen red eyes like they had been crying.</span>
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  <span>Hermione knew better than to point this out. Slytherins were known for their pride, and the aristocratic society of upper class and pureblooded wizards meant that the ones sitting before her had been taught from a young age that showing emotions was not an acceptable trait. This was one of the many reasons the mental health of males, in particular, had been in such a state following the war. They had been taught from a young age to keep everything bottled up, and in doing so they had all but guaranteed that mental illnesses and other means of relieving the emotional burdens had made her department one of the most necessary at St. Mungos.</span>
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  <span>Rather than draw any attention to the fact that they had clearly all finally broken down, she decided to pretend that she simply didn’t notice. She had a job to do, and she wasn’t going to get anywhere if she was evicted from the premises for pushing them to share before she had done what she was there to do.</span>
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  <span>“I’m pretty sure I have offended your house elf Theo. She doesn’t seem to like me very much.”</span>
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  <span>All three men startled, obviously not having realized that she was there until she spoke. Theo looked at her and the other two returned to staring into their respective cups of tea.</span>
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  <span>“You didn’t try to offer her clothing to free her, did you? Dippy is well paid, in case you didn’t notice her unnecessary expensive clothing that she insists on spending her wages on. We all remember spew from school. I actually thought you would end up working in the ministry fighting for the rights of creatures, if I’m honest.” He flashed her a smirk that looked completely juxtaposed with his puffy red rimmed eyes.</span>
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  <span>Hermione rolled her eyes. “it was S.P.E.W actually, but I’m glad to hear that your house elves are being paid. Honestly keeping them as slaves is barbaric. I did consider it, but after the war I knew that I was needed elsewhere. I do still send suggestions on legislation changes to the department for the regulation and control of magical creatures regularly, but mostly my owls are sent back. Also, I’m banned from the department in person. Something about harassing the head of department with an obscene amount of mail. The audacity, if they would do their job right then I wouldn’t need to send them numerous owls a week.”</span>
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  <span>Both Blaise and Theo had to cover their mouths to hide their laughter, earning them scowls in return. Draco however seemed to be completely zoned out.</span>
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  <span>“Anyway, we should probably get round to my reasons for being here. If we continue with this conversation we could be here for days. I’ve been told that when I get started on the subject of the DRCMC that I tend to go on. I have brought some information about the treatment plans we offer in the inpatient facility in my department in St. Mungos for addiction treatment, and I thought we could go over them together.”</span>
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  <span>Draco dropped his cup to the floor, scattering the pieces across the dining room. “There is no way that I’m agreeing to any inpatient treatments. While I am ready to finally beat this, there is no way in hell that I’m agreeing to that. Isn’t there some sort of treatment I can just do from home? I can’t have anyone find out about this.”</span>
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  <span>Hermione huffed, “Draco I don’t think you realize just how bad the withdrawals from this are going to be. MT is a very serious potion and trust me when I say that it's very likely that you will seek out the potion during your withdrawal and relapse to make it stop.”</span>
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  <span>Draco looked her straight in the eye. His grey meeting her golden brown. “I said no!”</span>
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  <span>Hermione frustration began to grow. She knew this wouldn’t be easy, but she really had thought he was ready for this. “Well, you can’t stay here! Not only are Theo and Blaise completely unaware of how to deal with this, but I can guarantee that if you beg them to help you get the potion to make the withdrawals stop, they will give in. They are completely unprepared for this. Not to mention the daily regimen of various potions you will require to get over the worst of it. You need to be around someone who has experience with this, if you really want to beat it, and someone who won't falter when you start to struggle and get you the MT thinking they are helping. The inpatient clinic is completely confidential.”</span>
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  <span>She could see the shaking in his hands, and knew they needed to start soon before things got out of hand and the worst of the withdrawal started to kick in.</span>
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  <span>“Please Granger… I just can have this getting out. The clinic may be confidential, but you know as well as I do that people gossip and any of the other patients could mention my presence there. The media would pay a fortune for that story and I just… I can’t have this getting out. It would destroy my parents having my indiscretions plastered all over the tabloids. I’m begging you, there has to be another way.”</span>
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  <span>The vulnerability in his words almost broke Hermione and she knew he was right. A plan struck, and she worried her lip, thinking of all the reasons why it wasn’t a good idea, but she reminded herself that she had worked too hard to overcome her personal trauma and move on after the war. Before she started to make a list of pros and cons in her head, she forced the words from her mouth knowing she wouldn't be able to take them back after.  “Look, I really shouldn’t be doing this, but I understand your concerns, and I can argue that it isn’t a possibility. I promised you I would help you, that I wouldn’t let you down. Kingsl… Minister Shaklebolt has been trying to get me to take some time off for a while now. If you agree, I have a spare bedroom at my apartment. We could conduct your treatment from there and I can request a few weeks off. That’s the only other option I can think of. I know it's not ideal, but staying here just isn’t an option if you're serious about getting clean.”</span>
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  <span>Draco didn’t look convinced. “So, you want me to move in with you? To your apartment? Where you live? Alone?”</span>
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  <span>“Well yes…. I mean it will only be for a few weeks and I can’t see any other options. Can either of you say that you are 100% certain that you wouldn’t give in and get Draco the potion if he was really struggling with the withdrawals?” Hermione looked between Theo and Blaise who both hand their heads down.</span>
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  <span>“No.” they both answered in tandem.</span>
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  <span>“Well then, I don’t see any other options.” Hermione met Draco’s eyes with a pleading look. She needed to help him. She couldn’t just let him continue on this path of self-destruction.</span>
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  <span>Draco couldn’t help the visions of her lying screaming on the drawing room floor of Malfoy manor from encompassing his mind when he looked at her. He didn’t understand why she was so adamant to help him. After years of bullying, and after he had taken the mark, and then that night in the manor when he stood by and let his aunt torture her without doing anything to stop it. How could she even bear to look at him, never mind inviting him to move into her apartment to help him. He didn’t understand her at all. How could one person be so pure and so good, especially after everything that she had gone through not just during the war, but since the day she had stepped into the wizarding world? She had been bullied, ridiculed and made to feel dirty and less important because of her blood and he had been one of the worst offenders during their time at school. He had been the one to introduce her to the word Mudblood and had ensured that she never forgot it.  He searched her golden-brown eyes for pity, gods how he hated to be pitied, but he found none. Instead, he found determination and understanding. He had never had someone look at him like that, like they understood him. That just made the image of her being tortured stronger in his mind. He was really struggling without the MT and he knew this was only the start of it. Soon the memories would become so all consuming that he would be begging for the potion to make it stop and that was only the mental part of it. He could feel the shaking in his body and the nausea beginning and the sweat forming on the back of his neck. It wouldn’t be long until he was completely incapacitated by the physical symptoms of his addiction withdrawals and he was terrified. But the look in her eyes when she was looking at him gave him comfort.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally feeling brave enough to speak, Draco cleared his throat and slowly nodded his head. “Okay, if you’re sure about this then I’m not exactly in a position to refuse. Honestly I’m already feeling like shit so the sooner we start the better.”</span>
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  <span>Hermione couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. She didn’t know what she would do if he had refused. She began digging into her little beaded bag she always carried. “Great! If you want to gather up some stuff and then we can go. Here take this.” she said, producing a potion vial and reaching it to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco took the vial from Hermione's hand, eyeing the bubblegum blue liquid it contained cautiously for a moment. Potions are what had gotten him into this mess in the first place, so he was hesitant to take anything without knowing what it was, even if he did trust her judgment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noticing the apprehension in his eyes, Hermione reached over and placed a comforting hand on his other arm. “They will help with the symptoms, and will tide you over until we get to my place. It’s a potion I invented myself that helps curb the physical and emotional side effects. They don’t work for long, and you will start to build up an immunity to them after a couple of doses, but it will help you until we can get you packed up and settled into your room in my apartment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Draco uncorked the vial and swallowed it in one, desperate for any kind of reprieve from how he was feeling. He called for Dippy, and asked her to pack up some of his things to last for a few weeks. He was going to ask her to pack up some books but knowing Granger, her home was probably like a live-in library already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half an hour later, they were standing at the floo ready to go. Hermione stepped into the floo, saying her address clearly to ensure Draco could hear it. Draco took a deep breath, floo in hand, stepped into the fireplace, and was whisked away to his temporary home in Hermione Granger's apartment.</span>
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